It’s Up to Us


Issy woke me up at 7 am on Saturday morning which is a completely unacceptable time for a weekend wake up. (If weekday wake up is 6:30 am, 9:00 am is the reasonable weekend wake up time. honestly). I wasn’t ready to wake, so I did what any normal parent would, I gave her a granola bar and an Ipad with headphones and got into her bed with her. I didn’t want to wake up. I knew the Kavanaugh vote was going through and I didn’t want to look at the news…or get pulled into social media …I didn’t want to know it was real. The writing was on the wall…this was a lovely show by the Republicans to try and  act on their best behavior using as many please’s and thank you’s as they could, (well most of  them… I’m looking at you Lindsey) but they never had any intention of changing their vote even after the “FBI  Investigation” was ordered. We all knew.  I just wanted to keep sleeping. But every 10 minutes Issy was still hungry and I couldn’t argue. Who really gets full from a granola bar and a few strawberries anyway? I got up but felt heavy…I imagine I looked like a sketch of a caveman shuffling around the kitchen. I had a huge ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach…( I just want to go back to sleep I thought -until…it’s all… over- i guess?  the vote? this administration or just this really terrifying version of the prequel to The Handmaids Tale we are living) Who knows. It was definitely my “chicken little the sky is falling ” moment of the week. I wallowed in my shitty feelings for a bit…I let Issy keep watching cartoons (insert electronic use judgment here). I went through all the emotions of the week… all the sadness I felt for her/ for me/ for all of the women who held a space for her in that moment… I thought about the anger and frustration watching the judge defend himself by yelling about sports and work outs and getting into Yale and just wanting to scream…It doesn’t  matter I thought. ..this whole thing…it’s not going to matter unless someone produces a video from this gathering in the early 80’s in the next 5 minutes.  I was boiling over because they are missing the point. They are missing the bigger picture. A man who was selected  for a lifetime appointment to sit on the highest court in the land to make decisions about our rights and our bodies has been accused of sexual assault by more than one woman.  In his statements he talked about liking beer and became absolutely unhinged acting like a child yelling, (and I’ll paraphrase a little), “… But I went to Yale and played lots of sports…This is revenge for the Clintons…..” His behavior alone should have disqualified him for this job. We are talking about the Supreme Court of the United States. Couldn’t we go to the next white guy on the list? I think there were thousands to choose from.  Imagine if Dr. Ford had acted like him?…She’s hysterical…. they would say…she’s just so emotionalShe was hired by the Dems …The Child in Chief would have made a comment about periods or menopause but instead he just chose a general mocking of her at a rally. “indelible in the hippocampus is the laughter, the upoarious laughter…” she had  said. Look, I don’t expect him to understand that sentence but you have to give it to  this President for continuing to show there is no bottom and he sure as hell can always go lower. The anger was oozing out of me but somehow it just made me heavier and heavier.  Then I thought Jesus Christ how does SHE feel today… what is her morning like right now…My Mom had texted my siblings and I an address to send postcards to Dr Ford and in my mind I was going to pen this extraordinary well thought out letter  but what I wrote was simply: Thank you. You are a hero. You are brave. I believe you .

I am not brave enough to go before the nation and a room full of mostly rich, gruff, old men. But I can say me too. And that is why I believe her.
I sealed the letter and sipped my tea. I’m not doing anything today I thought, but I haven’t really been able to do anything since this began…I’ve been in a haze… I decide on a deep clean of our place … maybe if I throw myself into some activity it will be cathartic. I look at Issy with the cartoons and feel guilty but also feel like if I could get her excited to clean, then we could get more accomplished. I give her a feather duster to get started  as I hit up the heavy chemicals in the bathroom. I love this she says. Perfect I think. Before I knew it she was begging me to vacuum the couch cushions. Working together is productive.
What if all women came together…remember when women working together organized the Women’s March? That was powerful. What if we can get the women that criticize other women to stop and get on board.  PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Ladies- stop  hating on other ladies…stop fat shaming and skinny shaming and career shaming and formula feeding shaming; it has to stop. We have to lift each other up here and get it the hell together!
If we have learned anything it is that women and the good men that stand with them NEED to come together and vote for people who represent our values and live by some sort of moral compass and find this administration’s behavior unscrupulous and shameless.
Listen – we are the ones we have been waiting for. We are the ones riding in on the damn horse to save everything. There is no one coming to save us all.
It’s US.
It was always US.

so that one day
a hundred years from now
another sister will not have to dry her tears wondering
where in history
she lost her voice
-jasmin kaur
postcards to Dr. Christine Ford can be sent here:
Dr. Christine Ford
c/o Palo Alto University
1791 Arastradero Road
Palo Alto, CA 94304

One thought on “It’s Up to Us

  1. Thank You for writing this and sharing. I sure feel the same way you do but I could sleep on Saturday and put the covers over my head and no one would notice. Well maybe Tony but than he could have his wheat Chex in silence. Love You, you are very special to all of us. Try to think positive and let’s hope there is light at the end of this tunnel.


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