It’s Up to Us

Issy woke me up at 7 am on Saturday morning which is a completely unacceptable time for a weekend wake up. (If weekday wake up is 6:30 am, 9:00 am is the reasonable weekend wake up time. honestly). I wasn’t ready to wake, so I did what any normal parent would, I gave her a granola bar and an Ipad with headphones and got into her bed with her. I didn’t want to wake up. I knew the Kavanaugh vote was going through and I didn’t want to look at the news…or get pulled into social media …I didn’t want to know it was real. The writing was on the wall…this was a lovely show by the Republicans to try and  act on their best behavior using as many please’s and thank you’s as they could, (well most of  them… I’m looking at you Lindsey) but they never had any intention of changing their vote even after the “FBI  Investigation” was ordered. We all knew.  I just wanted to keep sleeping. But every 10 minutes Issy was still hungry and I couldn’t argue. Who really gets full from a granola bar and a few strawberries anyway? I got up but felt heavy…I imagine I looked like a sketch of a caveman shuffling around the kitchen. I had a huge ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach…( I just want to go back to sleep I thought -until…it’s all… over- i guess?  the vote? this administration or just this really terrifying version of the prequel to The Handmaids Tale we are living) Who knows. It was definitely my “chicken little the sky is falling ” moment of the week. I wallowed in my shitty feelings for a bit…I let Issy keep watching cartoons (insert electronic use judgment here). I went through all the emotions of the week… all the sadness I felt for her/ for me/ for all of the women who held a space for her in that moment… I thought about the anger and frustration watching the judge defend himself by yelling about sports and work outs and getting into Yale and just wanting to scream…It doesn’t  matter I thought. ..this whole thing…it’s not going to matter unless someone produces a video from this gathering in the early 80’s in the next 5 minutes.  I was boiling over because they are missing the point. They are missing the bigger picture. A man who was selected  for a lifetime appointment to sit on the highest court in the land to make decisions about our rights and our bodies has been accused of sexual assault by more than one woman.  In his statements he talked about liking beer and became absolutely unhinged acting like a child yelling, (and I’ll paraphrase a little), “… But I went to Yale and played lots of sports…This is revenge for the Clintons…..” His behavior alone should have disqualified him for this job. We are talking about the Supreme Court of the United States. Couldn’t we go to the next white guy on the list? I think there were thousands to choose from.  Imagine if Dr. Ford had acted like him?…She’s hysterical…. they would say…she’s just so emotional… She was hired by the Dems …The Child in Chief would have made a comment about periods or menopause but instead he just chose a general mocking of her at a rally. “indelible in the hippocampus is the laughter, the upoarious laughter…” she had  said. Look, I don’t expect him to understand that sentence but you have to give it to  this President for continuing to show there is no bottom and he sure as hell can always go lower. The anger was oozing out of me but somehow it just made me heavier and heavier.  Then I thought Jesus Christ how does SHE feel today… what is her morning like right now…My Mom had texted my siblings and I an address to send postcards to Dr Ford and in my mind I was going to pen this extraordinary well thought out letter  but what I wrote was simply: Thank you. You are a hero. You are brave. I believe you .