I haven’t written in quite some time. I retreated to a loud, dark, self deprecating place in my own mind and remained there feeling pretty depressed… Was it my birth control pill, the birthday blues, have my hormones changed since I turned 41..why cant I snap out of it.? I re-read all of my posts and they seem to have a similar thread of worthlessness and confusion about who I am and what my purpose is. I was beginning to feel that this is a society where men are allowed to EXIST in whatever capacity they want, but women-as women we need to EXCEL in all aspects of our lives. We have to find a way to have it all, but when we do, we will still be judged. Then, on Tuesday a man that said ,“Grab them by the pussy” was elected President. It’s been a few days and I can’t shake this sick feeling in my gut.
On November 8, Donald Trump was elected the 45th President of the United States. My depression has quickly turned to despair and is now switching to anger with an overall feeling that results in nausea.
I will admit I had romanticized the day a little…. I was emotional seeing so many women dressing in their pantsuits and all white ensembles as they hit the polls, many of them with their daughters. Days leading up to the election , I was telling my daughter that history would be made; we are going to elect the First Woman President and I was so energized to think she would grow up in a country where that was a reality. I got lost in the excitement. I imagined the moment on election night when I would kiss her goodnight and walk out of her room with tears of joy. It didn’t quite go that way. My husband was shocked too, but tried to assuage my fears that the country wouldn’t suddenly change entirely. All of the progress that was made in the last 8 years would not be overturned his first day on the job and maybe, who knows, mayyyyybe he won’t be as awful as we fear he will be.
It didn’t help. My migraine had already started and I didn’t want to hear it. When I woke Wednesday, I was puking from the migraine…the shock , the disappointment, the fear. I realized the last time I felt this way in my gut was 9/11. I spent most of the day with my eyes closed and an ice pack on my neck while I let my daughter watch the Ipad. (What else could I do? ) I didn’t watch TV or look at the news on line . I did a quick scroll through social media and that made me physically ill again. I had to get it together for her ballet class at 3:30.I still had to Mom up. I can’t mope around the rest of my life. But this hurts …I am in pain to my very core.
I am not upset because my candidate lost. This wasn’t about politics . This wasn’t about a difference of ideologies. I could move past something like that without feeling as if life as we know it will never be the same. This was and still is about hate, misogyny, racism, ignorance, and fear. Over the last few days I have read of racially charged incidents all over the country….swastikas in a Maryland Middle School,(http://www.wusa9.com/news/local/bethesda/swastikas-drawn-on-walls-at-md-middle-school/351091865 ), students blocking minority classmates from getting to their lockers in DeWitt Michigan, (http://www.mlive.com/news/index.ssf/2016/11/students_at_dewitt_school_form.html) and at Council Rock High School outside Philadelphia, more vandalism was reported including swastikas and derogatory comments toward Gay Students… (http://6abc.com/education/official-post-election-vandalism-harassment-at-council-rock-north/1600740/) ….I could go on and on sighting different attacks across the country.
The writing was on the wall. We knew that this would happen, didn’t we? And that is what is so sickening. People chose him . He demonstrates behavior that is the exact opposite of what we teach our children! For people who exercised their right and voted for him or against her in any capacity, take an opportunity to prove you are not complicit in what’s happening all over the country. Speak out about it. Tell your fellow Americans who are feeling disenfranchised right that they still have a place at your table. If you see someone being harassed, stand by them. Show us that you didn’t vote for THAT. Help us to not be afraid. And to President Elect Trump, please be so much better than we think you are. Take a stand on what is happening around this great country. Tell us you don’t support it or encourage it. Let us know that this country is still for all of us.
Talk about my unexpected life…